you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
