Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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