Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
