I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
