I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
