no, he came in my armpit
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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