i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
