cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
