I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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