mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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