just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
