I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
