Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
