I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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