Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
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They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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