And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
