i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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