Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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