isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
