It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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