yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
