apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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