just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
