Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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