Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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