If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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