I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
