sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
