Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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