it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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