Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm too high and old for this...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
