in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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