it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize