good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
