Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
