the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
