There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
