Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
