it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
