Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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