found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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