Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
