Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
