please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize