Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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