I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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