The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
