Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
