I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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