if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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