I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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