Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
