Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
