good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
