Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
