i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
