I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
