She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
