What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
