Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
