thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize