At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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