I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
