That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
