remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
