please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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