She's JV to your varsity
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
