shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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