I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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